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chidren
October 2009 
Holding Fear Up to a Light
Posted on Mar 21st, 2008
by 
a.k.a. Biff Cummings
a.k.a. Biff Cummings
PG-13 Language Advisory ; )
Go here: a glimpse of reality and see that short flick.
So, here I am trying to fun my life, trying to work and make it light. I deserve whatever I want. Fast music aside, this morning what I'm feeling is some hidden fears, stones in my stream which are making my water interesting but impeding it's fast flow. And right now, I need fast flow to the Sea. I need Fire and Earth and controlled combustion.
If I'm a river, I could increase the flow of my water, but that takes more energy than artfully moving the stones. Yeah, people tend to move Earth stuff around and it makes me wonder why we do, instead of simply leaving things be. But fu*&!, I live here, as part of the earth, and Being (a nod to Mr. Tolle) granted me this role, so I can refine whatever philosophy I like about how I live. It's not like I'm Mr. Army Corps of Engineers laying down miles of concrete because I'm trying to save you from yourself. All I gotta do is whatever I can to make sure I leave behind a sweet place to live.
My stones this morning:
- Fear I won't do it right, or quickly enough, or I won't look good doing it, and someone will notice. That fuckin' freezes me in my tracks, bonds me to inaction. (Why did the robot cross the road? Because it was carbon-bonded to the chicken!) What I usually do in this case is think about what I'll look like if I don't do what I said I would, then I'll really look bad. Of course, failing's an effective way to get attention and have someone save you. Ick.
- Fear there's enough time to get it all done. My monkey-mind stands me face-to-face all the time with this. That spins me out, just like on a race-track or go-cart track. Makes me go in circles. The only thing I've found so far that's effective is to push my energy/mind/desire past my own, self-imposed physical boundaries. I don't stop at my skin, and when I remember that I'm able to somehow Feel past the problem, that it's gonna be O.K. I focus instead on the success of flowing quickly through the turn.
- Distractions because I'm Happy. This one's hard because when I'm happy, I don't wanna do a fuckin' thing I'm supposed to do. I'll say to my Self, "Yeah, you can sneak this thing in and no one will notice." But, the thing is about that - I'll notice. And I'll know I made a choice that, for better or worse, diverted my attention. Of course, I'll get more attention if I simply spend more time being successful at what I said I wanted to do.
So, as I'm writing this it finally occurred to me, again, that what I need to do is get absolutely clear pictures in mind of how I'm gonna feel, look and be when I do my work. When I become, for a moment, the work that makes me happy. When I imagine how I'm feeling when I've done what I said I was gonna do, I'll be ecstatically happy. That's a very good thing.
You gotta get in to get out. I gotta go swimming. Remembering and paraphrasing what the grounded, eloquent, Mr. McCann said, "You're not your experiences. You're the interpretation of your experiences." McCann's philosophy of life began very early, as a child, and I'd pretty much guarantee you'll be impressed by him. See "a glimpse of reality" there.
Thanks also to the fucking brilliant filmmaker Nic Askew for showing me this guy ; ). And thanks to the preternaturally observant Lyn Buchanan for posting Nic on the IRVA message board. And thanks to Pam for asking me to show up here. It's working. And BIG thanks to the GORGEOUS Lauren because she is who she is. WOOF!
Access: PublicTagged with: fear, speed, success, monkey-mind, happy, Richard McCann, Nic Askew, Lyn Buchanan, RV, IRVA, child, chidren, The Matrix Revolutions
Another excellent blog! Sheeew, you're on a roll!
“Fear I won't do it right, or quickly enough, or I won't look good doing it, and someone will notice, fear there's enough time to get it all done, and distractions because I'm Happy. ”
Yup, that's about it in a nutshell for me too. Good call Mike. (Sitting here watching it stare me in the face…)
: )